Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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