My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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