I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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