I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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