He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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