What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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