so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
