haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
