I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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