Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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