made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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