Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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