apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
