Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He shit in the fireplace
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
