If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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