For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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