I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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