she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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