Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My life is pants optional.
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