Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
