Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
