the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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