her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
