I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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