she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
