you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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