I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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