did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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