If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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