I can tuck mytits in my pants
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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