i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
