This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
