Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
