you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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