she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
