Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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