Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
