so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
