dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
