He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
