Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So vagazzling was a success
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
