Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
