i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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