who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
