Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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