I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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