just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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