If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
