we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
