I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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