JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
