these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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