There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
