You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
