it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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