I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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