Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
