I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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