I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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