took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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