maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
