The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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