Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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