one might say we're banned from that church
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
