True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize