am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So vagazzling was a success
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize