If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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