so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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