Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
