I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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