New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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