I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
