I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
